“This is of no surprise to the Lord that this is happening to you”
This is the message God used a close friend’s mom to speak to my heart. I had faced the trials of my best friend, my maid of honor, not being able to come into my wedding because of her family’s financial strains and my tricky school situation taking a 180 on my routed schedule. Yet, the Lord never stopped showing me He is the God to be trusted because of His faithfulness and loved because he is ALWAYS good to His children—His undeserving daughter! He first provided truths to be spoken gently to my soul: a friend’s daunting thoughts, my fiancés patience and wisdom to present alternatives to my disdained heart (his scripture truths and encouragement), my wonderful parents’ loving guidance in topics that are distasteful and unappealing to me and a wonderful, wonderful church filled with God’s people that speak more truths to my selfish heart to enrich my heart. All of this attuned my prideful heart to fix my eyes on my Maker and bow to the one who wanted to die for my soul. He reminded me of the gospel: The Lord of grace, who sees all of these sins I stood convicted where stood with (selfishness, self-centeredness, self-pity, historically sexually immoral, manipulative, judgmental, prideful, unsatisfied, idolatry, jealousy, rebellious…. An unending list of uncleanliness; nothing fit for a holy priest I had been called to) and STILL, still looked upon me as totally clean and righteous in His sight---and STILL takes active care of me!! Hallelujah! What a savior—I owe everything to Him!!
However, He didn’t stop there. No, my God still blessed His servant. In His inexhaustible kindness on my life, He provided a good friend that offered --without any implication or hint of my distress—to pay for my best friend’s ticket into Tennessee for Christmas… and for my wedding. The cost is over $500. But to him and all the work He wants to put towards earning the money for the ticket is pure joy to His heart. THAT is a saved soul who knows who the Lord is!!
Then, after admitting my hardness of heart and asking my fiancé and mom for forgiveness, giving my selfishness over to the Lord to reshape in His kindness so to glorify Him in my life, the Lord gave me an unshakable peace as I made steps to add another 3 hours to my ‘perfect’ schedule. Yet, I admit, I was skeptical of whether or not it would be possible to even add this class since it was so late, BUT I can tell you what I wasn’t: I wasn’t scared. No, I no longer had the anxiety and fear of what would happen if I did add or have my appeal denied, because now I truly realized I am in the Lord’s hands.
In faith, I wrote my potential professor an email where, in vulnerable honesty, I shared with him my sticky situation. He agreed to see me before class to talk to me in more detail about all of this. I went and got dual advice from the Arts & Sciences advising center then headed out prayerfully strengthened as each step brought me closer to face the unknown situation at hand… having nothing on my mind but the Lord’s sovereignty.
To my complete surprise, he stated, “Kati, let me tell you something: I am a U.S. Veteran, fought in Vietnam for a long time. I respect your fiancé and what he’s doing… and I respect what you’re doing too. And I promise to take care of you. Don’t worry about what you’ve missed—actually, you haven’t missed anything at all. All I’ve done is go over the syllabus. I’m going to excuse all of your absences—I’m also the department head of American Studies. You’re in. Just bring me that add sheet whenever you can.” I almost cried as he handed me a syllabus and took my seat. As I looked over the syllabus, it got even better as I recognized familiar literature such as Huckleberry Finn and The Great Gatsby on the list of required readings! What a joy to my heart!
As I sit there in class and rejoiced in my heart, I saw this situation give me another gospel illustration: my heart was assured by the love Christ had by what He did for me on the cross to make me clean to the point I did not feel fear as I approach the Lord. And with even greater joy than hearing my professors heartening words of taking care me, I hear the Lord’s promises come to me even stronger saying ‘Do not fear, I am the Lord… All you who are heavy laden cast your cares on me and I will give you rest… I will give you rest.. in quietness and in rest… I will take care of you. I am the Sovereign God. I have your life in my hands.’ And now I can stand here, with tears of joy in my eyes, and no longer care why, but rather focus on how much the Lord loves me.
This said, I can believe and know my small heart can trust the Lord… with all my strength because it comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and Earth… and He loves me!
I can't encourage you enough:
Keep trusting the Lord... He's worthy of it all.
I have created this blog primarily for God's glory. Through this gift of networked writing, I am learning through my reflected writings, loved one's comments, and all the still framed moments how to daily run hard in our unstructured life. One saturated in inspiring purpose and passion for our Lord. The result is shared in a mere posting; a taste for our readers of all the richness He pours into our lives daily.